Miraxulous Dating Dilemmas
by LaxusPlayer
Summary: Don't let the title put you off. Laxus gets forced into going on a date night with Mirajane. Expect laughs, alcohol, dickery (from Laxus) and possibly even a bit of romance. Can Mirajane finally make a move on the guy she's liked for years? Can Laxus make it through the night without killing someone? Read and find out.


Miraxulous Dating Dilemmas

_A/N: Before you ask, yes I died a little inside writing that title. I hope you're all happy now. Expect awkward situations, Laxus being a dick (as always) and psychopathic behaviour. Thoughts are in italics. Enjoy..._

The day had come for the Fairy Tail Raffle to be held. Originally it was going to be a parade, but a certain dragon slayer got hungry one night after drinking and had decided to eat most of the chassis of the floats. The only thing that was spared was a half arsed wooden float that had been built by none other than Laxus Drayer, who at the time had been forced into making it after losing a bet over whether or not Freed would be willing to take a week long quest just to get Laxus some new shoes (FYI he did and they were very comfy, so it was really win win for the guy). The float had on top of it a small raffle machine that Freed had bought Laxus one year (...don't ask because even I don't know) and so the idea was forged.

"Alright people of Magnolia!" shouted Makarov in his giant form, "Are you ready for this?!"

He was met with thunderous cheers and applause from the citizens and the more enthusiastic members of the guild.

"Ok let's begin!" he reverted back to his normal form and spun the wheel. Mirajane was beside him on stage as the announcer, which was pretty much standard considering that seems to be the only thing she ever does apart from sing, bar tend and steal people's souls.

"Just a reminder to everyone; the prize this time is to spend the day at the guild!" she shouted out smiling. Most of the men in the audience nearly dropped dead just looking at her. The Guild Master stopped the spinning and removed a ticket, then handed it over to his glamorous assistant.

"The winner is...David Reiner! David come up here!"

Some random guy from the audience made his way onto the stage to collect his ticket and the pass to get into the guild hall. He then received a small kiss from Mira on the cheek and was subsequently rushed to hospital after losing half the blood in his body via his nosebleed.

"Erm...ok everyone! The second prize is only for the brave! You get to go on a quest with the infamous team Natsu, which consists of Natsu, Happy, Lucy, Gray and Erza. Good luck!"

As the raffle machine was spun, in the audience Juvia struggled to hold all of the 580,629 tickets she had bought for this event. She was determined to be with Gray, her one true love, at all times. And by be with, I mean BE with. It was time for her to stop hiding in bushes watching him and this quest was going to be her big break. As the ticket was given to Mirajane, her heart was in her mouth.

"And the winner is...Laxus...Drayer?!" she announced, greatly confused.

The whole crowed looked around for the Thunder God, but instead Freed walked calmly onto the stage and took the ticket. Clearing his throat, he explained, "Laxus bought this, the last ticket, as some sort of a joke. He has no interest now and never will have an interest in joining any other pathetic team bar the Thunder God Tribe." As the people looked even more confused, he screamed, "LAUGH AT HIS JOKE! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Despite the incredibly strained and aggressive laughter, people actually joined in. Freed then took the ticket and walked smoothly off the stage, making a beeline for Wendy. "Here," he said, giving the confused girl the ticket, "Go enjoy a fun adventure with Natsu."

The young girl smiled and took the ticket gratefully. Juvia on the other hand was in the process of creating a category 5 storm. Seeing the threat to the people, Makarov quickly added "Erm...the second surprise reward goes to Juvia Lockster! She will be getting life size replicas of the entire team."

This somewhat calmed the distraught woman down, especially when she realised that she'd have a life size Gray in her possession. "_Ohhh now I can practise being his wife more effectively! Ohhh Master Gray!_"

Professional as ever, Mira continued her announcing. "The second last prize is one just for the guys." she said, winking at the audience. The ambulances by now were on standby for those men who just couldn't handle her, and that particular comment made sure that they were on over drive dealing with lustful, comatose men. "The winner will get to go on a date with Fairy Tail's strongest woman; Erza Scarlett!"

Said strongest woman quickly made her way onto the stage, dressed in a particularly revealing dress. "So who's going to be the man to take me out tonight?" Once again, the first aiders on site were sent into overdrive. You have to feel a little sorry for them.

The raffle machine rolled and after receiving the ticket, Mira grinned evilly. She had planned this from the start, and looking into the crown everything was in place. "The winner is...Mystogen!"

Erza froze on stage. Looking into the audience, she saw a sharply dressed, masked man making his way onto the stage. Once he got there, he pulled off his cloak, revealing a very handsome, tuxedoed Jellal. "So where did you have in mind?"

Blushing madly and with tears in her eyes, Erza looked into his eyes and stuttered "Je...lal?"

Scooping her up bridal style, he carried off the stage, through the crowd and off into the sunset. The guards present almost stopped him, but after Mira sweetly commented "Whoever ruins their date will be disembowelled by me personally.", they let him get away just this one time.

"Ok and the last event everyone! Now this one is for the women out there. Girls, you'll be getting a date with none other than Fairy Tail's Strongest Wizard...Laxus Drayer!"

There were some mutterings in the audience about Gildarts being strongest, but Freed soon shut them up. Laxus on the other hand slunk onto the stage. Unlike Erza, who had gone all out in dressing up for this, he was in his standard tank top and jeans. The fucks he gave about this were literally less than none.

"Ok idiots out there, listen up. Just because we're going on a date doesn't mean it's gonna be romantic. If anything I'm going to make this the shittest night of your life. We clear?"

Despite his efforts to darken the mood, the women in the crowd all screamed and cheered. Mutterings of "It's ok, we won't be talking..." and "I prefer rough rather than romantic" were heard, meaning that Lucy had to clamp her hands over Natsu's ears to stop him being corrupted by their impure thoughts. Laxus scowled. "Stupid god damned guild with its stupid god damned rules."

In case it wasn't obvious, this was totally against his will. Laxus had lost yet another bet due to Freed, this time over whether or not he had a shrine in his house to Laxus. When they checked, it turned out he had several, one for each room in fact. Since the bet specified whether or not he had **one** shrine, Laxus lost on a technicality. "_Creepy bastard is going to pay for this..._"

As the machine was spun round, a chant of "Laxus, Laxus, Laxus!" was heard from the women. He shouted "Fuck you!" back at them, to which they replied "If you insist!". His scowl deepened.

"Ok here is the result!" Mira said, taking the card from Makarov, "The winner is...the winner is...me?!"

Makarov collapsed laughing, along with Cana, Bickslow and Evergreen. Together they had formulated the perfect plan to not only screw over Laxus, but to also make Mira happy. Laxus of course figured this out, and immediately began plotting vengeance. Mira on the other hand had turned bright red and started shaking. "Laxus...I didn't...I mean I...erm..."

The only other visibly shaking person was Freed. He had equalled the number of tickets Juvia had bought for her event, and was once again crying in a corner over missing out on a date with the love of his life. Makarov finally stood up and, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, proudly announced "Laxus and Mirajane! Fairy Tail's hottest couple!"

Looking over at his grandfather, Laxus growled "When I snap you're the first to go." Straightening up, he turned around and looked at Mira. "I'm picking you up at seven tonight outside the guild. If you're late, which I really hope you are, I'm going without you."

With that he walked off the stage, flipping everyone in the crowd off for good measure. Mira by this point, who was still questioning whether or not she was dreaming, had her mouth wide open and was staring into space. Jumping up so he couple wave a hand in front of her eyes, Makarov realised that she wasn't moving anytime soon. Looking into the crowd he pointed to Elfman, who came up onto the stage and carried her prone body off. "Ok folks, now that's over the party can begin. Since our beautiful Mira is engaged in other activities," he chuckled a little, thinking of Laxus on a date, "I'll hand you over to the *ahem* singing talent that is Gajeel and his backing dancer Levi!"

-Break-

Laxus arrived at half past 7 outside the guild in the clothes he had worn before. It was no surprise that he couldn't be bothered to change considering he was planning on somehow making less than no effort of this date. Mira, on the other hand, had gone all out. She was wearing a short, red dress with matching ruby shoes. Her hair was flowing down her sides, and to complete the look she had a small, ruby-studded red flower in her hair. She had been waiting there since 6 for the dragon-slayer, and had already hospitalised twenty men who had the misfortune of looking her way. Laxus on the other hand couldn't give a shit.

"Ok red riding hood lets go eat."

The two set off walking down the street in silence. This continued for about five minutes until Laxus finally asked "So where do you want to go?"

"Ohh you can choose." Mira smiled sweetly, then squeaked as she saw the look on his face.

"This isn't a debate. Just pick a damned place so I can get this over with."

"Umm...how about that Chinese place round the corner?"

"No."

"What about the Thai place down the road."

"God no."

"Erm...the Indian restaurant next to..."

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

Mira was flustered. She hardly went out these days, and there was only one place left that she knew of. If he didn't like here, she was pretty sure he'd just leave her and go home.

"Well...there's that Pizza Place on Bean Street. Picaso's Pizza is it?"

After a moment of silent tension, Laxus began walking again. "Works for me."

Mira breathed a huge sigh of relief. Freed, meanwhile, was seething with rage in the alleyway nearby "_I would have suggested that place first if he'd only taken me on the date with him! She's not worthy!_" He was totally not stalking them. Well ok made a little bit.

After another five minutes of silent walking they reached the place. The man at the door's mouth nearly hit the floor when he saw Mira, yet somehow he was able to stutter his way through showing them to two seats by a window. Laxus sat down immediately and stuck his boots up on the table.

"Sir, you're not supposed to..."

Laxus gave the man a look that took 10 years off his life.

"Um...just this once then...I'll go get the menus."

While he sprinted off to find them, Mira gracefully took the seat opposite to Laxus. Reaching forward, she took the wine menu and looked at it.

"Well Laxus, what should we get?"

Laxus looked at her. "Get whatever the fuck you want, I'm getting Vodka straight."

Right on queue a waiter arrived asking what they wanted to drink. Laxus told him he wanted Vodka straight in a wine glass, while Mira ordered some white wine. Realising that unless the service was quick Laxus would probably start killing people, the drinking were brought to their table in a record time.

"So Mira, " Laxus started after downing his glass of Vodka, "what are your interests and hobbies?"

Felling the sarcasm dripping from his voice, she responded in downing her glass also. Unlike her date she wasn't used to drinking, and so began choking and coughing afterwards, which somewhat ruined her sarcastic reply of "Reading and Sports."

Laxus grinned. "So you do have some flare left in you. Interesting..."

He poured himself another glass (he'd asked for the bottle to be left on the table for this sole purpose) and looked at Mira expectantly. Not wanting to be a letdown, Mira did the same with her wine, then matched his stare. Again, she was not a veteran of staring Laxus down eye to eye, and so soon began to feel her cheeks turning red. Thankfully, a waiter interrupted them asking what starters they wanted, so Laxus broke it off and looked down at the table.

"I'd be able to decide if I had been given a menu. Now I am a man of many talents, but I'm not psychic, so come back with some menus and ask me again."

The waiter pulled out two menus from behind his back with a smug look on his face. "Here you go sir and madam."

"Cocky little shit aren't you..." Laxus mumbled before looking at the menu. Honestly he had only came for the pizza, so he simply waved away the request. Mira, however, smiled and ordered garlic dough balls, much to the delight of the waiter.

"And for your main courses...?"

"I'll have a small, margherita pizza if that's ok?" Mira said with the grace of a swan.

"I'll have a large one with a pile of fucking meat on it." Laxus said, with the sensitivity of a dead cat. A few other people had started looking over at him, but they soon stopped when he scanned the room with his eyes. "Yeah I thought so." he mumbled. As the waiter left, taking their menus with them, Laxus turned back to Mira and smirked. "So, do you come here often?"

Mira tried to glare back at him, she really did, but she just couldn't cope with his smile. In the end she lamely mumbled "No, not really." "_Damn that smirk gets me every time! Ok Mira pull it together. If you don't he's just going to take the piss even more tomorrow._"

Finishing her second glass of wine with slightly less difficulty than the first, she added, "Definitely not as much as you and Freed come here."

"Oh ho ho! Nice comeback there poster girl! I'm surprised you haven't stripped down and lay across on the table already so the guys here can take pictures."

With that comment most of the males in the restaurant turned around to look at her, causing her slight blush to deepen. Sensing victory once again, Laxus finished his second drink and poured his third. Once again, Mira was saved by the waiter, who served her her starter. By some magic she managed to eat the dough balls seductively, and so the men in the restaurant kept their gaze on her. For some reason this didn't sit well with Laxus.

"I'd tell you guys to take a picture, but I'd hate to have to break your cameras as well as your legs!" Laxus boomed, and suddenly the men decided that checking out the gorgeous model wasn't worth grievous bodily harm. Mira's blush deepened again to a shade that matched her dress.

"The hell are you blushing for?! I just did you a favour. Ahh christ I..." something caught his eye outside the window, "Give me a minute."

Standing up, Laxus made his way out of the building. In doing so he caught the eye of a few women, who weren't ashamed to gawk at his well defined body. Upon hearing the comment "I'll have what she's having." something in Mira snapped.

"Ladies," she begun, smiling sweetly at the women who were a couple of tables away from her, "If you so much as glance at his body again, I will find a place in my apartment to decorate with your eyes." The cute little giggle at the end proved that she was in fact that crazy, and so the warning was heeded.

Laxus meanwhile went straight for the bushes underneath the window. Sticking his arm in, he took hold of something soft, then proceeded to lift it up out of the bushes. The soft thing was of course Freed, who once again had not been stalking them. At all. Ever.

"Ermmm...Master Laxus! So funny we should bump int-..."

"Cut the crap Freed, why are you here?" Laxus said irritably. He was just starting to enjoy teasing the white haired mage and was not impressed by this interruption, "Was it Ever? Did she send you to spy on me? Or was it Cana? Damned drunken girl loves to screw me over..."

Freed, who was at this moment been by the neck, figured it was best to just come clean and take his impending strangulation. "No no I came to make sure your date was ok! None of those fools had anything to do with this. After all, it is my sole duty as Captain of the Thu-..."

Laxus released him from his grasp, making Freed fall onto the floor and emit a small "eep" sound. "Christ kid go home. I can handle myself. Go watch a movie or play with yourself or something. I don't know whatever the fuck you do these days but go and do that instead!"

"But Master I..." he pleaded, but Laxus was having none of it.

"Look, you can either go home by yourself or I can drag you home by the hair. Either way you're getting the fuck out of here. Now I'll do this on the count of three since I know big ideas are hard for you. 1...2..."

Freed reluctantly started jogging down the street and back to the guild. Laxus smiled as soon as he was out of earshot. No matter how creepy the kid was, Laxus had a soft spot for him. Putting his hands in his pockets, he went back inside and sat down. Surprisingly, Mira had polished off not only her starter, but most of the bottle of wine as well.

"Its probably a good idea to slow down there poster-girl." Laxus said, taking the glass from her hand and putting it back on the table. For the brief moment their hands touched, Mira felt a small jolt of electricity surge from him. This made her flinch a bit, but that wasn't to say it was a bad experience...

"Laxy I'm fine! Don't you worry about me." she replied, reaching over and patting his head. She realised as soon as she done it she had made a mistake that she was going to regret for the rest of the week once she sobered up, but right now it was so worth seeing Laxus' annoyed expression.

"Get the hell off me and what the fuck even is that name?" he yelled, once again attracting attention. This was it; he was done with outside distractions. "Ok so the next person who turns round and looks at us is going to be going home in a body bag. Am I clear?" The people watching him nodded, then quickly returned to their meals. Thankfully their pizzas were arriving now, so he was able to take his mind of being surrounded by idiots. His looked more like a mountain of meat than Italian Cuisine which pleased him to no end. Digging in, he barely noticed Mira's fumbling efforts to eat her meagre meal for the entire 20 seconds it took him to finish his. Once he did finish though, he realised that she was getting more pizza on her than in her.

"Ahh christ I never should have left you alone with that bottle. Here I'll do it myself..."Making sure he finished off another two glasses of vodka first, he picked up a slice of her pizza and held it just in front of her face. She tried to snap it out of his hands, but his reflexes were, as you say, as quick as lightening (sorry but I couldn't resist). "God damn it woman hold still and open your mouth." she did as he commanded and he slotted a small piece of the slice into her mouth. He continued this routine for the remaining two slices she had and then turned around and motioned for someone to collect the plates.

"You guys better get here quickly or she's going to start eating the table." turning back to his date, he watched her finish off the bottle she had. "Aww for fucks sake woman you are a sly one!" She burst out in laughter upon hearing this, and before he could stop himself he joined in.

The waiter came and collected their plates. "Would you like anything for desert?"

Mira looked hungrily at Laxus and said "Mmm I think I see something I like..."

Rolling his eyes, Laxus said to the now sweating man "I think we're done here man. Come on Mira lets go."

Standing up, he walked over to her chair and pulled it out. He quickly realised that she wasn't walking any time soon, and so slung her gently over his shoulder. The waiter managed to stutter out "B-b-but sir! You haven't paid your bill?"

Laxus continued walking out of the door. "My gift to you all was my presence and your tip was me letting you all live. If you have a problem with that then maybe you should come outside here and talk about it." Needless to say the waiter found no fault with that.

Walking down the street to Mira's room in the guild, the Thunder God felt her caressing his back with her hands. Usually he'd throw the person on the ground and then kick them repeatedly for good measure (Freed having experienced this many a time), but with Mira he just couldn't. Instead he broke out into a jog and got to her room in record time.

"But what about the key Laxy...?" she started, but he simply kicked the door down. He was so done with carrying her that he had forgotten to give a shit about doors. "_Maybe I do have something in common with Gildarts..._"

Taking her to her bedroom and putting her on the bed, he realised that she had drooled all over his shirt. He promptly went to her bathroom and removed his shirt, washing his face while he was there for good measure. He then filled a glass of water up and walked back into her bedroom. When he arrived, he was gifted with a sight many men dreamed of. Somehow Mira had managed to unzip her dress, and was now lying seductively on her bed in nothing but her underwear.

"He he, so you've kicked down by front door. How about breaking down the back..."

Despite her incredibly sexy wink and incredible body, Laxus resisted the urge to do just that. Putting the glass of water beside her bed, he told her to drink it and then jogged out of the room. While he didn't have many morals or fucks to give, taking advantage of a drunk girl certainly wasn't on his list of things that were acceptable, no matter how attractive the girl was. He was almost free when he heard "Laxus wait!"

Walking back in, he found her curled up on one side of her mattress. "I'm lonely so cuddle me while I go to sleep?"

He was so close to telling her where she could stick her cuddles, but even he couldn't resist her puppy dog eyes. "_Damned chick is worse than Freed..._" Sighing, he lay down in the bed next to her and she cuddled up to him, laying her head on his chest. They lay there for a couple of minuted before she raised her head and said "Goodnight Laxy." Smiling, she kissed him softly on the cheek and then fell straight asleep on his chest. Rolling his eyes, Laxus smiled and let her lie there for a while. "_Stupid woman._"

** Next Day**

Mira stumbled into the Guild Hall with her head down. She woke up in the morning to find her front door kicked in and her bed sheets all over the place. Thankfully she didn't have a hangover since she had drunk the water like "Laxy" had told her, but that didn't stop her wanting to die when she found his shirt on the floor of her bathroom. "_Thank god he was gone by the morning._" she thought, _"I think I would've died if I'd woken up to his smirking face._" Walking over to the bar, she was spotted by Bickslow, Evergreen, Cana and Makarov. They all rushed over to her to ask her how her night went.

"Well thanks guys for the thought, but I'm pretty sure he's never going to talk to me again." she explained sadly, "I got drunk when we were out and ended up...oh god he's here!" Mira hid her face in her hands when she saw the Thunder God casually strolling into the Guild Hall. He spotted the group, and smugly walked up to him.

"Ahhh good; all you bastards are in one place. Well I guess this saves me the effort of hunting you down one by one to deliver your punishments."

The guilty parties all gulped in unison, making Laxus' grin widen.

"Bickslow, Ever. Today I gave Freed permission to clean my room for me and I told him you two would help!" the pair groaned. Laxus was notoriously messy and Freed had a terrible OCD for cleanliness. Their last cleaning spree lasted almost a week, and even then it only finished when it did because Laxus kicked them out of his room.

"Cana..." he turned to the brunette and took hold of her drink. Taking a swig of it, he smiled. "By now you must have noticed the funny taste of this drink. That's because this morning I bought all of the alcohol in a 5 mile radius and threw it in the river. What you're drinking now is some refreshing none-alcoholic beer. Nice isn't it?"

Coupling the fact that she had noticed a funny taste in the beer and that Laxus was easily capable of doing that, her eyes widened and she gasped. "You...You're a monster!"

She then screamed and ran out of the bar in search of something good to drink. Finally, Laxus turned to Makarov.

"Ahh Grampa Grampa Grampa. Your punishment has to be my favourite I guess. See conveniently Jason the reporter was thinking of doing a 10-page spread in Sorcerer Weekly dedicated entirely to you, and so early this morning I contacted him and told him that you'd be delighted to help him out. He's coming for a 7 hour interviewing session 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks. Oh and he starts today. Isn't that great news?!"

Laxus took another swig of Cana's drink and smiled at the old man. Makarov started sweating. "Y-You're bluffing Laxus! There's no way that even you could..."

Right then Jason and Freed walking into the Guild Hall. As soon as the shout of "COOOOOOL" reached the Guild master's ears, he knew that he had been beaten. Leaning in, Laxus whispered "Now what have we learned?"

As Makarov was dragged away into his office cursing, Laxus broke out into laughter. Mira all the while had been hiding behind the bar until Laxus finally stopped and looked at her. She wished she was dead.

"Laxus...before you say anything about last night I..."

She was cut off by him leaning over and planting a soft kiss on her cheek. That electric feeling she had felt before in the restaurant came over her again, and she began blushing wildly. Feeling weak in the knees, she fell back onto a bar stool, failing to keep the smile from her face. Laxus grinned back at her before walking away to a seat to finish his drink.

"I guess we could do it again sometime Mira..."

_A/N As I'm sure you've noticed I don't write romance fics very often, but I hope I did at least an ok job. Once again I hope you enjoyed this, so read, review and recommend some more stuff for me to write :)_


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